I’ve been having a serious writers block lately! You know, the one where you have this
HUGE GIGANTIC story to tell, or writing to get done, and then your fingers hit the keyboard and nothing. So disappointing. Time and time again for the past two weeks it’s happened. I’ve tried to switch it up a bit but nothing. You see, I write my posts somewhere between 3:30-7 a.m. The house is quiet. Nothing is stirring. I can sit and pray over the post. I can have my coffee and bible out. I can just be with me. Be with my thoughts and prayers and ideas of what I want to accomplish with a said post. But lately I sit, and sit, and sit some more and nothing comes. It’s frustrating! So frustrating!
So, here I sit on yet another morning, same as the last it feels, and it’s 3:30a.m. I have my coffee, which is smooth and delicious by the way, and my bible open to Psalm 50:15. This is what I want to say:
I struggle. Everyday I struggle. I struggle with self confidence. I struggle with past pain. I struggle with not being good enough. I struggle with addiction. I surrender everyday to God. I have to. I once thought, ” i surrendered it, why isn’t it going away?” You have to sometimes surrender it daily, for a week, maybe a month, and sometimes even years, before you see the fruit of that prayer! I have been there. I have struggled with abuse from my past going on 20+ years. I pray it away but it still affects some aspects of my life. It’s hard to overcome. It’s a mountain in my life. One I know I can’t and won’t overcome on my own. Jesus said he gave us the power to cast mountains into the sea and sometimes I have to do that every single day. Sometimes it’s all I can do to pray “God strengthen me for this day, to do your will, to be your hands and feet, and to somehow in the end GLORIFY you.”
I have had seasons in my life that were a train wreck. Finances amiss, relationships on the rocks, stillness from God no matter how much I seek his face and pray. I’ve also come to learn over the years of walking with Jesus that as much as He tries to shield us from all the bad sometimes it gets in. And other times we invite it in without even knowing. But I do know also, that there are a few things I can do to bring comfort to me. One is pray. Praying not only for myself but for others. Really lifting others up. It’s one way that brings me peace in a situation. It takes the focus off of “poor me” and puts it on God and others. Another way is digging in to scripture and learning from it. God didn’t put his breath to the Word for us not to be learning and living what he says. I’ve learned that when I’m having an issue I go to scripture and find what it says about that issue. Psalms has 150 chapters of struggling and overcoming! I’m sure we can all find something to relate just in that one book of the bible alone.
My life is not my own anymore. Not since I surrendered it at the foot of the cross to Jesus. No matter how much I believe, this life will always throw me curve balls. Always try to get the upper hand over me. Keep me in my struggles, keep me reliving the pain. Keep my battling addiction. But I’m here to tell you that I HAVE HOPE! Hope in a risen savior. Hope in his word. Hope in his presence. I don’t have to sit still and do nothing. I can rise up and overcome, because I know the one who overcame it all.
I leave you with this scripture:
Psalms 50:15 & 51:1-4
and call on me in the day of trouble and I will deliver you and you will honor me.
Have mercy on me, Oh God, according to you unfailing love; according to your great compassion,blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned; and done evil in your sight….