Writers Block and a Good Story

I’ve been having a serious writers block lately! You know, the one where you have this HUGE GIGANTIC story to tell, or writing to get done, and then your fingers hit the keyboard and nothing. So disappointing. Time and time again for the past two weeks it’s happened. I’ve tried to switch it up a bit but nothing. You see, I write my posts somewhere between 3:30-7 a.m. The house is quiet. Nothing is stirring. I can sit and pray over the post. I can have my coffee and bible out. I can just be with me. Be with my thoughts and prayers and ideas of what I want to accomplish with a said post. But lately I sit, and sit, and sit some more and nothing comes. It’s frustrating! So frustrating!

So, here I sit on yet another morning, same as the last it feels, and it’s 3:30a.m. I have my coffee, which is smooth and delicious by the way, and my bible open to Psalm 50:15. This is what I want to say:

I struggle. Everyday I struggle. I struggle with self confidence. I struggle with past pain. I struggle with not being good enough. I struggle with addiction. I surrender everyday to God. I have to. I once thought, ” i surrendered it, why isn’t it going away?” You have to sometimes surrender it daily, for a week, maybe a month, and sometimes even years, before you see the fruit of that prayer! I have been there. I have struggled with abuse from my past going on 20+ years. I pray it away but it still affects some aspects of my life. It’s hard to overcome. It’s a mountain in my life. One I know I can’t and won’t overcome on my own. Jesus said he gave us the power to cast mountains into the sea and sometimes I have to do that every single day. Sometimes it’s all I can do to pray “God strengthen me for this day, to do your will, to be your hands and feet, and to somehow in the end GLORIFY you.”

I have had seasons in my life that were a train wreck. Finances amiss, relationships on the rocks, stillness from God no matter how much I seek his face and pray. I’ve also come to learn over the years of walking with Jesus that as much as He tries to shield us from all the bad sometimes it gets in. And other times we invite it in without even knowing. But I do know also, that there are a few things I can do to bring comfort to me. One is pray. Praying not only for myself but for others. Really lifting others up. It’s one way that brings me peace in a situation. It takes the focus off of “poor me” and puts it on God and others. Another way is digging in to scripture and learning from it. God didn’t put his breath to the Word for us not to be learning and living what he says. I’ve learned that when I’m having an issue I go to scripture and find what it says about that issue. Psalms has 150 chapters of struggling and overcoming! I’m sure we can all find something to relate just in that one book of the bible alone.

My life is not my own anymore. Not since I surrendered it at the foot of the cross to Jesus. No matter how much I believe, this life will always throw me curve balls. Always try to get the upper hand over me. Keep me in my struggles, keep me reliving the pain. Keep my battling addiction. But I’m here to tell you that I HAVE HOPE! Hope in a risen savior. Hope in his word. Hope in his presence. I don’t have to sit still and do nothing. I can rise up and overcome, because I know the one who overcame it all.

I leave you with this scripture:
Psalms 50:15 & 51:1-4
and call on me in the day of trouble and I will deliver you and you will honor me.

Have mercy on me, Oh God, according to you unfailing love; according to your great compassion,blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned; and done evil in your sight….

Blessings,
Tiffany

This is Me

As I sit here with tears streaming down my face, the only comfort I have is writing. Getting it out. Letting it go. This is me. I struggle. I hurt. I’m alone.

If you look from the outside, I’m the happy mother of 5 children. I homeschool. I homemake. I take my kids with me everywhere. I’m what you imagine a Super Mom to look like. But image is nothing. Take a deeper look. You’ll see my struggles. My fears. My failures.

A typical day in my house for me starts at 2 a.m. YES, I said 2! I get up because I can’t sleep. I sit and message with my mom for an hour our so. She has a crazy sleep schedule too and leaves for work at 4 am so she’s up anyways. Then by 4:15-4:30 ish I start making my husband his lunch and his breakfast. Somewhere between 5 and 6 I head back to bed for a few hours. The two smallest kids, Princess and the Dude, usually wake around 8ish or so. They come in, ask to play on the kindles and in my sleepy state I always agree. I get up for the day around 9:30-10. Usually my oldest, Dexter, comes in starting at 9 to try to wake me. I fight it until 10 am…..

By the time I get up the kids have been alone on kindles or watching sprout for an hour to two! They’ve fed themselves breakfast and made momma some coffee. I get up and head to the kitchen for my coffee and a cigarette. Yep, I’m a smoker. Have been for a LONG time. Too long actually. I usually direct them to get there breakfast mess cleaned up and have them get dressed. We/I try to get school work going by 11 or so. All the while sitting at the kitchen table. It’s my home, the table. I’m there most of the day. It’s here I write. I email. I look at pinterest for WAY to long. Here is where I momma at for most of the day.

Our school day usually wraps up within a couple of hours. Then it’s lunch. Does momma fix lunch? NOPE! Kids do that too. Then it’s chores! YEP! Kids do those too. I’m headed for the couch by 1p.m. for a nap. The broken sleep gives me about 4 hours of energy before I crash again. Depending on the schedule I take a 1-3 hour nap. Yes, again, I said 1-3 hours! They kids are free to play kindles or watch an approved movie in that time frame, finish work that needs done, or just play.

I get up and go back to the table! It’s my home remember. I have so more coffee, all decaf of course, I’m pregnant remember. I’m worried about the coffee I drink but I poison my body, and my baby with cigarette smoke! What is wrong with me! My addiction is my life. It’s a struggle every single day. It’s where so much of my pain stems from, yet, I can’t let it go! It’s my comfort. It’s the thing I can control. It’s who I am. I have defined myself as that for so many years! Sad, I know but it is. Remember, this is me.

I sit and around 3:30 my brothers girls start showing up. One at 3:30 and the other 2 at 4. I watch them after school most days but they usually get picked up right after 4. Unless mom has a late appointment which I don’t mind.. I love those girls like my own! After they leave for the night, I have the kids do a quick tidy up and try to help around the house a bit. Dad usually texts somewhere between 5-6 “on way”. We do a mad scramble to make sure the house is tidy and I try to figure out dinner. I do a menu every week but some days I forget to pull stuff out or I just don’t feel like cooking. Cooking has been a real struggle as of late.

We somehow get everyone fed and dinner chores started around 7. Dad and I go to the couch or to the room to do our devotional. After, it’s shower, pj time and we sit and watch tv. I’m completely exhausted from doing nothing really by 9 pm. The kids go to bed and dad tucks them in and prays with them. I head to bed some time around 10. Then it’s time to start all over again at 2a.m.

That’s my day. A day where looking from the outside you’d think I have it all together! WRONG! I’m not even close to having it together. I sit, and ponder,cry and pray…… God make it better. Take the chains of bondage. Help me to surrender it all to you. Make me clean. I’m waiting still. And still praying. I know that I know that my God can and will deliver me from the pit I’ve gotten myself in to. It’s just a waiting game. Waiting for His timing. Waiting on Him. The ALMIGHTY to say ok my child, you’ve suffered enough.

I’ve done what I can do. My earthly flesh is no where near strong enough to break the chains. It’s Him and only him that can do it. So I sit and pray and write and release. It’s all I can do.

I’m not the super mom you’d expect. I’m a real woman with real issues. A woman with pain and hurt. A woman trying to do what’s best but failing dramatically. A woman who struggles day to day. A woman who tries to be real here and with everyone around me. A woman who gets a whole lot of nothing accomplished on most days. If it wasn’t for the kids, the house would be a train wreck. A woman who is alone and calling for help. A woman who struggles.

I’m going to end this post by saying please, don’t leave negative feedback or comments. I know how bad and how easy it is to judge. We all do it. But at this time, prayer is what I need. Pray for me would you?

Blessings,
TIffany

New Years Resolution: You are Here

Jeremiah 29 :11 tells is for I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

You’ve made your New Years Resolutions by now I’m sure, or at least you been thinking about them for a while now. What you’d like to change, what you’d like to accomplish, what you’d like to do with your new year. I haven’t made any resolutions. I’m resolved not to. It’s not that I don’t think they are good to have, I just have never once in all my life completed one so what’s the point.

I want to live in the HERE! Right HERE! Right where I am. Right where God has placed me. I’m all for change, but sometimes, change isn’t in the plan. Sometimes God wants us to stay put right where we are. Whether it’s in our job, our home, in our finances, in our relationships, in our church. Sometimes HERE is where we are supposed to be.

Where is your HERE? At a job you seem to hate but it brings home a paycheck so you stay? Maybe, just maybe God put you there to show others the love of Jesus. Maybe that’s exactly where He wants you. Maybe for the now, that’s your HERE. Maybe it’s without a job. Relying on unemployment or some other means to sustain you financially. Maybe God is teaching you to trust Him in all things in your HERE. Maybe your in relationship ruin with friends and family. Maybe God is teaching you how He can restore your relationships. Your HERE is leaning on Jesus to comfort your hurt and the hurt you’ve caused.

I’ve been in your HERE. I’m struggling with some of the HEREs right now. I’m not dwelling on them though. I’m merely living through them with you. I’m relying on Gods word to strengthen me and teach me. Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring. Proverbs 27:1. I can do all the resoluting I want but if God wants me in my HERE that’s where I’m going to stay. I’m not suggesting NOT planning for the future, or not trying to make changes in your life. I’m simply stating that if it’s in Gods will for you to be in your HERE, embrace it. Look at it as a blessing. Look at it as a way for God to help you prosper. For God to give you your hope and future.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19-21

I’m looking into 2013 with a different view from most. I’m looking at it as if this is where I’m supposed to be. This is what I’m supposed to be doing. This is where my HERE was meant to be.

So, where is your HERE? Comment and share where God has placed you. Where God has blessed you. And what God is doing in your HERE!

Blessings,
Tiffany

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You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart
Jeremiah 29:13

Seek Him today!!!!!!!!

Linking to :
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A new design and header

So I thought I’d introduce you to the new Raising the Gang our Way look! Tell me what you think! No seriously, leave a comment below and let me know what you think of the new colors, background and AMAZING header, thanks to my newest friendKatherine at Katherines CornerMuch love my newest friend!

I love the new look! Not sure what else I’m going to add but I’m sure it will be something fun! Thanks to all of you who read my blog and listen to my ramblings. I’m so appreciative of everyone of you. Even if you only visit once!

Blessings,
Tiffany
If you’d like some extra help with your blog or web images I think you’ll love Katherines work! It’s amazing and she’s super patient when you add things a ton of times;) Check her out and let her help you too. I really couldn’t be more pleased!

YUMMY Brownie Pancakes

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This is the picture on the web for these wonderfully delish brownie batter pancakes! A friend pinned the recipe for me on Pinterest and since Wednesday was pancake day I thought I’d go ahead and try them. I started by getting the recipe here. I don’t keep brownie mix on hand so I went to fake it frugal to get a brownie mix recipe. I already had my own homemade baking mix so it all worked out.

I started out by mixing the ingredients together.
1 1/2cups Original Bisquick® mix or homemade mix

1cup Betty Crocker® Original Supreme Premium brownie mix (from l lb 2.4-oz box)or homemade mix

1cup milk

2eggs

I set the griddle to around 300 degrees and started cooking!

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They smelled so good while cooking up and I’m not a chocolate or brownie woman! I know! I know! People tell me all the time something is wrong with me 😉

I cooked and stacked until there was no more mix left.

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The children love to eat chocolatey stuff for breakfast. Nutella toast, chocolate puff cereal, chocolate milk, so I just kind of figured this would be a hit too.

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Do you think the look says it all?!?!?!?

They gobbled up 3 each and there was still 3 leftover for later or a snack!

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They were a HUGE hit and now maybe one of the most asked for breakfasts’! I love when I try something new and it is well loved:)

Now, go get to cooking and enjoy dessert for breakfast!!!

Blessings,
Tiffany

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Linking up to:

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What Will I do Without it????

MY WASHER DIED!!!!! In a house of 7 and three loads done a day, not having a washer is detrimental to our life! Saturday morning I noticed the dryer was doing something funny. It was making all kinds of racket. I stopped the dryer to take a peek inside. The clothes were so wet and heavy that it wasn’t spinning properly. I thought it to be a bit odd, but just pulled out half the load and started it again. It dried no problem at all. Then come Sunday, I washed a load of clothes only to find when it was done that the clothes were so wet that I could barely lift them out of the washer. I put them back in( i didn’t pull them all the way out) and started the washer on the drain and spin cycle. NOTHING! You could here some of the water draining but the washer would not spin. I tried to start it again. My washer spins as the water is turned on to get all the clothes wet and save water. I let it run for a minute and then peeked inside. No spinning at all! By this time, Mommas freaking out a bit and calls in the genius husband. Panic sets in when he pulls out the warranty information and tells me we just need to call geeksquad because he can’t find what’s wrong. By this time it’s 8:30 Sunday night. With two loads in the back closet and a load in the washer what’s a girl to do? I call the number and set up an appointment. Thursday they will be out to fix the washer but between now and Thursday there will be no laundering done in the house. WHAT?!?!?!? I’m so thankful for a brother that lives less than 2 miles down the street that has a working washing machine! I think we’ll be visiting some this week as I take my laundry to their house of 7 to wash some clothes! Yeah, there washer is going to get quite the workout this week. I’ll be glad when Thursday comes around and my little geeksquad guy shows up at my door! Till then, we’ll be borrowing my brothers washer:)

Blessings,
Tiffany

I can’t stop!

The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders;
where morning dawns, where evening fades,
you call forth songs of joy.

Psalm 65:8

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I have this desire to tell you how I can’t stop praising Him! I need to praise him. I want to praise him. I’m made to praise him. It’s so easy for us, me included, to take time to tell everyone where our problems lie. What is getting us down, what has been a struggle. Why is it so hard to praise Him for all he has done then? I don’t have the answer. I’m just at a place right now, in this moment where I NEED to praise Him. I can praise him for the sun, for the clouds, for the rain, for the wind. I can praise him for the house we’ve made into a home. I can praise him for the 5 little blessings he’s entrusted to me. I can’t stop. I was made to praise.

God is so good. No really, he is. Every tear is held in His hand. That just tells me even in the hurting times He is good. He protects me. He shields me. He is hovering over my life in sweet protection. God is here for me whenever I call. He’s never more than a prayer away! Do you get that? Do you understand that in our time of need He’s always right there? It’s so easy for us to call out to God when our lives are upside down and inside out. It’s so easy to cry “why me Lord”. It can equally be easy, with a bit of practice, to glorify Him. Praise him when you wake. Praise him for your food. Praise him for providing work. Praise him for blessing you with children. Praise him for the little things. The stuff this world takes for granted. The air we breath. The Mc Donald’s on every street corner in America.

I want to shout for joy that I’m saved. That my redeemer lives. That I am going to fall at the feet of Jesus one day and never cease praising him. I want to shout to those who don’t know him. I want to be an example of his love and tender mercies that are new each day. I want to teach my children about him. I want to show them how to talk to him. How to love him. How to praise him. How to fear him. I want them to know ALL things come from him. This is what I was made for.

God has done and continues daily to do such good things in my life. I’m not saying that everyday is full of cheer and is easy. Most days are just not that way. We live in a fallen world with a fallen people. Curve balls come at us left and right. The thing that makes the difference for me is knowing that the One who created it all is on my side. He is walking right there with me. He is sometimes even helping me stand because frankly life can wear you down. This is why I can’t stop praising him! He is ever faithful.

Just the other day I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with the task at hand. The task just happened to be cleaning the little girls’ room with them. I sat and looked at all the stuff everywhere, the piles of clothes, shoes, and toys. I was completely overwhelmed! It’s going to take hours of time I just don’t have I thought to myself. Then, I just sat back against the wall and asked Jesus to calm me down. Relieve my fear of what was about to go on in that room. And just like that a sweeping presence of peace came over me and the girls and I got to work. It still took hours to complete but knowing that Jesus was right there with me made it go so much smoother. If I can count on him for the little things like cleaning a room, how much more can I count on him for the big things?

If you don’t know this Jesus I’m talking about, please get a bible and read for yourself. Ask God to give you a fresh revelation of all that he is. If your in a place where you need a little reminder, I pray God give that to you through this writing. I’m not a saint people. I’m just as stain washed as anyone else, probably more so. The difference is I know where my help comes from. It come from the one that made it all. I still mess up daily. I say things I shouldn’t. Hide feelings in my heart I should release. Have unforgiveness in me. I struggle with things just like anyone else. But I know the Potter and I’m allowing Him to mold and make me into all that he wants me to be.

Praise be to God above for all things great and small!

Blessings,
Tiffany

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