Family Update Wild Bill

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Dexters face painting she did…..

Wild Bill is my shy, introverted, can sit with a tub of legos for hours on end kind of kid. She’s sweet and compassionate but lately has been rather testy!
She’s also my diabetic daughter and her sugars and A1C haven’t been that great 😦

She’s getting ready to have her 13th birthday next month….. Oh my, how did we get here?!?!?!? I remember just yesterday holding my little little baby. She’s always been super petite. And now she has a good inch in height over her momma.

She’s doing really well in school. Loves project work, the kind where she has to build or create something. She’s an excellent artist and LOVES to draw Manga, Zentangle, and animals. She must get her talent from her daddy cause i can’t draw a stick figure if you know what I mean! HA!

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These are some of her latest building projects! She’s pretty good, even if she just has rocks, dirt, sticks, and some yarn!

She’s overall a great kid! Well, all my kids are, if you don’t mind me saying. (****WINK****)

Blessings,
Tiffany

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Our Birth Story

As told in my last update… Baby Pip didn’t come without a few complications. We started out our morning on August 21,2013 expecting to have a normal labor and delivery. What actually happened is anything but normal.

We were scheduled to be induced two days after my due date. I was miserable and BIG! I hadn’t slept in months for more than a couple hours at a time. I was ready. We started out the morning getting up and ready. I kissed all the kids good bye and we headed to the hospital. My husband and I prayed the entire way to the hospital. It’s through those prayers that what lie ahead turned out to be ok.

When we arrived at the hospital, everything went as planned at first. They gave me a pill to induce labor around 7 am. MY
plan was to have a few contractions, ask for an epidural, and then sleep for the rest of labor, since I hadn’t slept in months. All went as planned at first. I got my epidural around 8:30 a.m. The entire time I was getting it I felt like she was pushing a rod into the back of my neck, and into my head. Now, if you know anything about epidurals they put the needle in and then thread the tube down. There was nothing going into or even near my head! Just felt that way! I soon began to feel relief and decided to take a nap. I just laid there for a while chatting with my husband and mom. Since we already have 6 children, my husband really wanted to stop after this one. I kept insisting that we have as many as God had planned for us. Through some prayer, he finally stated during labor,

I prayed and told God as long as he keeps me able to provide, I’ll have as many children as HE wants us to have!

Little did he know God would give him the answer to that prayer shortly after.

It wasn’t but a little while after that I sat up in the bed and told my mom my eyes felt numb. I complained about “the rod” in my neck too. There wasn’t a rod in my neck but it felt like there was. I laid back down and said my chest feels heavy and immediately started panting. That was when I had my stroke!

The rest of the story is from faint memories and from what others tell me. I don’t remember much. Mom says that I had a blank stare on my face, eyes wide open, but no response. She looked at the monitors and my blood pressure shot to 195/105 and my heart rate jumped to 198. She knew right them I was having a stroke. It didn’t take long for the nurses and doctors and anyone else they could round up to come into the room. They began examining me and trying to wake me. My right side was completely numb with no movement at all. They summoned to a neurologist but he was busy so my doctor went down to the emergency room and got the attending down there. He came and knew right away that I had had a stroke. He said the drugs that they give stroke patients would kill the baby and myself so there really wasn’t much they could do but wait it all out and see what happened on it’s own. The anesthesiologist came in and turned off the epidural. The doctors kept telling me to open my eyes. I couldn’t. I could hear what was going on but couldn’t respond to their requests. It was frightening. It was as if I was in a bad dream.

I remember the moment I opened my eyes. My momma was standing at the end of the bed, nurses and doctors everywhere in the room, my husband was at the far end of the room. I thought to myself, why is my Mom crying, I was only taking a nap. I had no idea what was actually happening to me. They started to ask me questions and I couldn’t speak. I tried but nothing came out. They told me to raise my hand, I couldn’t. It was then I started to blink once for yes and two for no to some simple questions. First was, do you know where you are? Of course I knew!

Not so long after I began to speak again. The first thing I said, while patting my belly, was BABY! They all assured me everything with the baby was fine. That was a relief….

I was rushed down to radiology for a MRI and CAT scan. NOTHING was there. As this was all happening my labor was still progressing. I was then dilated to 5. At this point the contractions were starting to kick in as the epidural had been off for a while. I remember the neurologist checking me out. Trying to get me to lift hands, and legs, squeeze and so forth. My right side still had nothing. I listened after his exam as he told my husband,

You already have 7 mouths now to feed, if I were you I wouldn’t have any more children. You wife my not be ok after this.

I was shocked! In disbelief! Scared! How could a small nap, and what felt like the epidural being to much for me turn into NO MORE BABIES?!?!?!?!?!

I delivered little PIP at 12:15pm. They didn’t want me to push because they hadn’t figured out the “cause” of the stroke, so they suctioned her out. She came out all cheesy looking and with a large round suction cup cone on the back of her head, but all else was fine with her! I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. With all that was going on with me, the only thing I really cared about was if the baby was OK!

I started to be able to move again on my right side shortly before her delivery and gradually got better afterwards. I was not nearly as strong on the right side, but I could move and squeeze and point my foot like they asked me to. I nursed little PIP shortly after delivery then they took her away for her clean up and stats and such.

At this point my Husband, God love him, says

I need to go into the bathroom and loose it, I can’t be strong anymore!

He had kept it together this whole time with everything going on but it was time to release and cry! He and my mom kept trying to explain to me that I had had a stroke but I kept insisting it was just the epidural. I was in denial I guess.

That night after my hubs went home and got the kids and brought them up to see me did I realize something wasn’t right with me. I couldn’t speak right. I kept stuttering, couldnt’ remember things, and was weak. It was the side effects from the stroke. I remember Dexter crying and saying honey whats wrong. She was sad but come to find out later she was devastated and scared. She knew something was very wrong with momma.

It took me only a couple days to get my strength back and PIP was doing great. We went home that Friday, just two days after delivery with instructions to follow up with the Neurologist for the stroke. Those words penned on my discharge papers was the point I came to realize it wasn’t just the epidural as I had thought, I had a STROKE!

Now, I had EKG, ultrasound of arteries, and all kinds of other tests. THEY FOUND NO BLOCKS or BLOOD clots!!!!! I still to this day think what happened was something went wrong with the epidural, an air pocket or something, and THAT is what caused all of this! It’s the only thing that makes sense to me. It’s what I know in my heart to be true.

I do still have some side effects from all of this. Sometimes my thoughts are jumbled. I get frustrated easy because I cant’ think straight. I get overwhelmed so easily. I am able to function, have complete strength back but the internal side effects are difficult to deal with. My husband continues to help me learn to give myself some grace. I CAN”T do it all anymore. I’m not the “SUPER MOM” I once was, and I’m ok with that! I’m learning to be a new me, a me….. POST STROKE!!!

MUCH love and blessings to you,
TIFFANY

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WELCOME BABY

And then there were 6!!!!! I’m excited to share with you all, after a LONG, HARD, MISERABLE pregnancy, our new bundle of joy and light in our life!

WELCOME BABY PIP!!!!!!

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She arrived after being induced on August 21, 2012, weighing a whopping 6#15oz….. Her arrival was not without incident but that story is for another time. For now, celebrate her life with us!!!!

Welcome to this scary, crazy, but oh so beautiful world God created PIP!!!!!!!!! Momma and Daddy love you!!!!!!

My Convictions aren’t Your Convictions

Let me start by saying that what works for our family, what we deem appropriate for our family may or may not be something you’d do or instill in your family. That doesn’t make either one of us right or wrong. It just makes us different and that’s ok.

Telling the truth, Gods truth, the truth we know without a shadow of a doubt, is hard. It goes against everything the WORLD is screaming at you. It’s a struggle everyday not to fall into the temptation the world throws at you. We face it. We deal with it head on. We make hard choices. That’s what we, as a family, feel we are called to do. We feel we are called to raise up our children against the grain. Against what schools says is ok. Against what teens say is ok. Against what Hollywood says is ok. It’s something we’ve been convicted over time and time again. It’s hard though. It’s a battle everyday to let that one little thing slide….. Like wearing immodest clothes, or listening to what I call crap music. But it’s a battle we must face head on.

We do things different around here. We don’t do cell phones, even for the 15 year old. We don’t do internet access. We don’t do short shorts. We don’t do a lot of tv including such as Disney Channel. YES I know, it’s for kids. But the content of the shows don’t line up with the values we try to teach them. We don’t do public school. We don’t let our kids stay the night places. There’s a lot we don’t do. We do talk with our kids about the whys and what are reasoning is. We do pray with them about things that we don’t agree on. We do try to teach them that it’s ok to be different. It’s ok to stand up for what you believe in, IF you’re doing it in love. It’s ok to be the only one who feels a certain way. If God lays something on your heart it’s ok to stand by that!

Recently we had a falling out of sorts with some family. I feel that it’s just another way the enemy uses us and each other to try to step away from the truth we have known to be. Our family, extended family, doesn’t agree with some of the decisions we’ve made for our family. That’s ok! No really it is. I know what God has placed in our hearts. I know how God wants us to raise our family and nothing anyone can say or do is going to change that. I have to answer to HIM and only HIM when this life is all but gone. What we feel is appropriate decisions for our family is NOT the popular one by any means. It never is! But we try to convey our convictions is love. We don’t judge you for your convictions or decisions. We are all different. We’ve all been called to do something different. That doesn’t mean we condemn you because our calling is not the same. That also doesn’t mean we have to agree with it. We have to do what WE feel is best within our four walls in our home. IT’S OK!!!!!!! My convictions aren’t your convictions! I know that. I’m ok with that.

So stand your ground saints and do what God has called you to do. Speak the truth in love and stand by what God has placed in your heart. Don’t let the enemy take away even for a second the truth God has placed in you. Stand firm in your faith. Don’t waiver. For the riches in heaven are more than anything this world will ever have to offer you.

BLESSINGS,
TIffany

TITUS 2 TUESDAYS

This is Me

As I sit here with tears streaming down my face, the only comfort I have is writing. Getting it out. Letting it go. This is me. I struggle. I hurt. I’m alone.

If you look from the outside, I’m the happy mother of 5 children. I homeschool. I homemake. I take my kids with me everywhere. I’m what you imagine a Super Mom to look like. But image is nothing. Take a deeper look. You’ll see my struggles. My fears. My failures.

A typical day in my house for me starts at 2 a.m. YES, I said 2! I get up because I can’t sleep. I sit and message with my mom for an hour our so. She has a crazy sleep schedule too and leaves for work at 4 am so she’s up anyways. Then by 4:15-4:30 ish I start making my husband his lunch and his breakfast. Somewhere between 5 and 6 I head back to bed for a few hours. The two smallest kids, Princess and the Dude, usually wake around 8ish or so. They come in, ask to play on the kindles and in my sleepy state I always agree. I get up for the day around 9:30-10. Usually my oldest, Dexter, comes in starting at 9 to try to wake me. I fight it until 10 am…..

By the time I get up the kids have been alone on kindles or watching sprout for an hour to two! They’ve fed themselves breakfast and made momma some coffee. I get up and head to the kitchen for my coffee and a cigarette. Yep, I’m a smoker. Have been for a LONG time. Too long actually. I usually direct them to get there breakfast mess cleaned up and have them get dressed. We/I try to get school work going by 11 or so. All the while sitting at the kitchen table. It’s my home, the table. I’m there most of the day. It’s here I write. I email. I look at pinterest for WAY to long. Here is where I momma at for most of the day.

Our school day usually wraps up within a couple of hours. Then it’s lunch. Does momma fix lunch? NOPE! Kids do that too. Then it’s chores! YEP! Kids do those too. I’m headed for the couch by 1p.m. for a nap. The broken sleep gives me about 4 hours of energy before I crash again. Depending on the schedule I take a 1-3 hour nap. Yes, again, I said 1-3 hours! They kids are free to play kindles or watch an approved movie in that time frame, finish work that needs done, or just play.

I get up and go back to the table! It’s my home remember. I have so more coffee, all decaf of course, I’m pregnant remember. I’m worried about the coffee I drink but I poison my body, and my baby with cigarette smoke! What is wrong with me! My addiction is my life. It’s a struggle every single day. It’s where so much of my pain stems from, yet, I can’t let it go! It’s my comfort. It’s the thing I can control. It’s who I am. I have defined myself as that for so many years! Sad, I know but it is. Remember, this is me.

I sit and around 3:30 my brothers girls start showing up. One at 3:30 and the other 2 at 4. I watch them after school most days but they usually get picked up right after 4. Unless mom has a late appointment which I don’t mind.. I love those girls like my own! After they leave for the night, I have the kids do a quick tidy up and try to help around the house a bit. Dad usually texts somewhere between 5-6 “on way”. We do a mad scramble to make sure the house is tidy and I try to figure out dinner. I do a menu every week but some days I forget to pull stuff out or I just don’t feel like cooking. Cooking has been a real struggle as of late.

We somehow get everyone fed and dinner chores started around 7. Dad and I go to the couch or to the room to do our devotional. After, it’s shower, pj time and we sit and watch tv. I’m completely exhausted from doing nothing really by 9 pm. The kids go to bed and dad tucks them in and prays with them. I head to bed some time around 10. Then it’s time to start all over again at 2a.m.

That’s my day. A day where looking from the outside you’d think I have it all together! WRONG! I’m not even close to having it together. I sit, and ponder,cry and pray…… God make it better. Take the chains of bondage. Help me to surrender it all to you. Make me clean. I’m waiting still. And still praying. I know that I know that my God can and will deliver me from the pit I’ve gotten myself in to. It’s just a waiting game. Waiting for His timing. Waiting on Him. The ALMIGHTY to say ok my child, you’ve suffered enough.

I’ve done what I can do. My earthly flesh is no where near strong enough to break the chains. It’s Him and only him that can do it. So I sit and pray and write and release. It’s all I can do.

I’m not the super mom you’d expect. I’m a real woman with real issues. A woman with pain and hurt. A woman trying to do what’s best but failing dramatically. A woman who struggles day to day. A woman who tries to be real here and with everyone around me. A woman who gets a whole lot of nothing accomplished on most days. If it wasn’t for the kids, the house would be a train wreck. A woman who is alone and calling for help. A woman who struggles.

I’m going to end this post by saying please, don’t leave negative feedback or comments. I know how bad and how easy it is to judge. We all do it. But at this time, prayer is what I need. Pray for me would you?

Blessings,
TIffany

Daughter Moms

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I have a daughter mom! In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s a daughter that acts like mom, can be mom, takes on to much responsibility like mom. I’ve got one of those and it’s my own fault. Before you go jumping to conclusions, like I just let her run the house while I sit around and eat bon-bons, let me clarify what I’m speaking of.

Dexter is our oldest at home. She’s 14 1/2 years old, and in the 9th grade. Since she was 3 she has always been more mature, and more responsible than anyone her age. I don’t know if I expected to much from her as a wee one because I was young or what but that’s how she was and still is. By the time she was 6 she had three younger siblings at home, all just 14 months apart. She learned very quickly how to fetch diapers for mom, get a washcloth if needed, and so forth. That has morphed into something I never imagined.

By 8 she had learned to change diapers and was happy to do so, so I let her. Never making her, but allowing her to be part of the babies everyday care. She’d hold babies, play with the babies, and sing them to sleep. She was so great! It was awesome to have such a young one so interested in her younger siblings…….. or was it?

At 10 I had yet another baby and this time a boy! She was thrilled and wanted to be at his birth. We agreed that she could come. Maybe that was my mistake, I’m not sure. She developed a bond with her brother like no other! This is where things started to get hard on her. I started allowing her to “take care” of the girls while I took care of the baby. She’d make breakfast, help with getting them dressed and such, and anything else they needed. It wasn’t till recently I actually sat down to wonder why my little girl is such a momma that I realized…… I DID THIS!

At 11 she took the safe sitter course at the YMCA and started babysitting. Not for more than an hour usually. Just long enough for Dad and I to get a cup of coffee, or run an errand without packing up 5 kids. It was nice to have that, but it was too much on my little girl. I realize that now:(

Now, she’s 14 and 1/2, can do every job in the house. She can cook, clean, launder like nobodies business, all while keeping the kids safe and under control. She wears so much responsibility on her shoulders that it’s truly sad. I have depended on her for so long to be my mommy helper that she has no concept of how to shut it off. She will often times correct the children before I do. She often times makes decisions for them before I do. She often times sets the tone of the house, not I.

That is the problem. I have allowed this to happen, to go on for so long. HOW do I change it now? I sit back sometimes and watch her playing with the kiddos or snuggling with them and think, how did I let her become my daughter mom? I’m really struggling to find a way to let her relax, and just be 14. I’ve got to find a way to communicate to her that it’s ok not to be the other mother. It’s so engrained in her at this point though that it doesn’t’ help.

As for me, I pray I haven’t ruined her for her own kids. I pray that I can just let her be a kid herself. I pray God gives her all that she needs to be a sister and not a mother. I pray one day she forgives me for leaning on her at such a young tender age. Until then, I pick up the slack, ask less of her, and hope I somehow didn’t ruin her.

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Blessings,
Tiffany

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Linking to :
we are that family
Wordless Wednesday
pinching pennies
raising homemakers
Deep roots at home
our simple farm
frugally sustainable
wednesday in the word
ginger snap crafts
my daily walk in his grace
day to day joys
lindas lunacy
heavenly homemakers
slightly indulgent tuesday
tackle it tuesday
hearts 4 home thursday
a pinch of joy
organizing junkie
muffin tin monday
raising arrows
mop it up monday
motivate me monday
its so very cheri
mad skill link party
top ten tuesday @ many little blessings
simply better
lil’ luna
made by me wednesday
strut your stuff saturdays

Expecting Baby Number 6!!!!

So the time has flown by and I haven’t had a post in almost three weeks! I miss writing. I miss sharing. I miss being here, with all of you guys.

I found out on the 13th (the Dudes 5th birthday) that Baby #6 will be here sometime in August! The news is exciting and scary all at the same time. I LOVE babies! That I can’t deny but adding another member to the family is a bit scary. Things are going so well right now and I’d hate to throw that off but God will somehow make it all work. He always does.

While all the girls are pretty excited, The Dude is not. He’s been the baby for 5 years now and he knows it and somehow I think he knows what will come when baby arrives for his mommy and me time. I’m sure he’ll adjust just fine. Plus, we have about 34+ weeks to prepare him for his new role as BIG brother!

Another concern is the room. We are literally BUSTING out of this house. 1200 sq. feet an 7 occupants makes room tight. The market in our area is not good and there will be a few things needed to be done to sell the house if we choose to go that route. Then the other part of my brain says, we can stay cramped a few more years and then kids will start moving away for college and such and there will be more room then we know what to do with. OH, the decisions!

I really couldn’t of asked for a better Christmas gift this year than the gift of being a mother again! I love how God has in trusted me to keep all these little ones. What a blessings!

Well, that’s the news for now! Sorry this post is a bit random and not well written. I really haven’t been myself lately:)
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Blessings,
Tiffany
Linking to :
we are that family
Wordless Wednesday
pinching pennies
raising homemakers
Deep roots at home
our simple farm
frugally sustainable
wednesday in the word
ginger snap crafts
my daily walk in his grace
day to day joys
lindas lunacy
heavenly homemakers
slightly indulgent tuesday
tackle it tuesday
hearts 4 home thursday
a pinch of joy
organizing junkie
muffin tin monday
raising arrows
mop it up monday
motivate me monday
its so very cheri
mad skill link party
top ten tuesday @ many little blessings
simply better
lil’ luna
made by me wednesday
strut your stuff saturdays

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