Daughter Moms

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I have a daughter mom! In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s a daughter that acts like mom, can be mom, takes on to much responsibility like mom. I’ve got one of those and it’s my own fault. Before you go jumping to conclusions, like I just let her run the house while I sit around and eat bon-bons, let me clarify what I’m speaking of.

Dexter is our oldest at home. She’s 14 1/2 years old, and in the 9th grade. Since she was 3 she has always been more mature, and more responsible than anyone her age. I don’t know if I expected to much from her as a wee one because I was young or what but that’s how she was and still is. By the time she was 6 she had three younger siblings at home, all just 14 months apart. She learned very quickly how to fetch diapers for mom, get a washcloth if needed, and so forth. That has morphed into something I never imagined.

By 8 she had learned to change diapers and was happy to do so, so I let her. Never making her, but allowing her to be part of the babies everyday care. She’d hold babies, play with the babies, and sing them to sleep. She was so great! It was awesome to have such a young one so interested in her younger siblings…….. or was it?

At 10 I had yet another baby and this time a boy! She was thrilled and wanted to be at his birth. We agreed that she could come. Maybe that was my mistake, I’m not sure. She developed a bond with her brother like no other! This is where things started to get hard on her. I started allowing her to “take care” of the girls while I took care of the baby. She’d make breakfast, help with getting them dressed and such, and anything else they needed. It wasn’t till recently I actually sat down to wonder why my little girl is such a momma that I realized…… I DID THIS!

At 11 she took the safe sitter course at the YMCA and started babysitting. Not for more than an hour usually. Just long enough for Dad and I to get a cup of coffee, or run an errand without packing up 5 kids. It was nice to have that, but it was too much on my little girl. I realize that now:(

Now, she’s 14 and 1/2, can do every job in the house. She can cook, clean, launder like nobodies business, all while keeping the kids safe and under control. She wears so much responsibility on her shoulders that it’s truly sad. I have depended on her for so long to be my mommy helper that she has no concept of how to shut it off. She will often times correct the children before I do. She often times makes decisions for them before I do. She often times sets the tone of the house, not I.

That is the problem. I have allowed this to happen, to go on for so long. HOW do I change it now? I sit back sometimes and watch her playing with the kiddos or snuggling with them and think, how did I let her become my daughter mom? I’m really struggling to find a way to let her relax, and just be 14. I’ve got to find a way to communicate to her that it’s ok not to be the other mother. It’s so engrained in her at this point though that it doesn’t’ help.

As for me, I pray I haven’t ruined her for her own kids. I pray that I can just let her be a kid herself. I pray God gives her all that she needs to be a sister and not a mother. I pray one day she forgives me for leaning on her at such a young tender age. Until then, I pick up the slack, ask less of her, and hope I somehow didn’t ruin her.

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Blessings,
Tiffany

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Linking to :
we are that family
Wordless Wednesday
pinching pennies
raising homemakers
Deep roots at home
our simple farm
frugally sustainable
wednesday in the word
ginger snap crafts
my daily walk in his grace
day to day joys
lindas lunacy
heavenly homemakers
slightly indulgent tuesday
tackle it tuesday
hearts 4 home thursday
a pinch of joy
organizing junkie
muffin tin monday
raising arrows
mop it up monday
motivate me monday
its so very cheri
mad skill link party
top ten tuesday @ many little blessings
simply better
lil’ luna
made by me wednesday
strut your stuff saturdays

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