So much to say

I have so much to say. So much I want to tell you. So much stirring in my heart. But the words never come. They don’t make it to this page or anywhere else. They are just ramblings jumbled in my head. I want so badly to tell you…….. but the right words never come out. Do you ever feel like that? Surely I’m not the only one!?!? Right? Sometimes I just sit and think about things, wondering if in 5 minutes or 5 hours I’ll remember them so that I might share them here. Most of the time though they are never more than a passing thought. How do I get them to appear here? Well, I write them down, I’m advised by many. Seems simple enough, but with 5 kids, a dog, a cat, a fish, homeschooling, and home keeping who has the time to carry a notebook around with them and stop on a whim when a thought crosses there mind? Do you? I don’t, nor do I wear pants with pockets in them 🙂 on most days. So how do I effectively blog what God puts on my heart without writing them down? I’m still at a loss for the answer to that question but I do know one thing. I pray before my hands hit the keyboard. I ask God to give me the words HE wants me to type. I ask that HIS love and mercy are revealed when I share. I ask that HE strengthen me. I know without a doubt that He will always be faithful if I’m asking with a pure heart.

There are times in my life that I fail. I mean MISERABLY fail. As a mom I’m pretty sure we all have our days where we feel like we’ve failed. Whether it be as a mom, wife, friend, sister. We have all been there. Recently I have felt that I should be doing more, but my body won’t let me. I am so tired it seems before morning snack time arrives. I rest, I slow down, but inside I feel like I’m failing. I feel like I should have all the energy in the world. Let me give you a little snippet of how my day flows. 4:50 a.m. get up, start coffee, make the love of my life breakfast, then lunch. Sit and talk with him while he eats and gets ready for work, and check my faithbuilders verse for the day. By 6 a.m. I’m back in bed to rest/ sleep until the kids get up. They usually wake me up somewhere around 9 a.m. I’m back up getting breakfast made for them, starting my morning chores and figuring out what needs to be done for the day. I usually assign math and language arts school work and let them get busy. I attend to the 4 year old and fiddle around the house. Around 12 ish we take time for lunch which usually is made by each individual child, except 4 year old. I’m at this time starting to feel drained and wondering how I’m going to make it till 9p.m. By 1 mom usually needs a nap. I lay down until 2:30 or so then it’s back up to get to the grind. We do afternoon chores, have a snack, play outside, and I try to get dinner ready. Around 6 ish dad gets home and I sit a spell with him before finalizing dinner. After dinner, almost nightly, my husband and I have coffee on the porch while the kids do evening chores. Then it’s time to finish laundry, get through baths and showers, read, relax, blog or anything else. Somewhere around 9:30 my head hits the pillow again. In between these things there are always bickering to attend to, preschool work to be done, the BIG chores to get done and so on. So how can I feel like I’m failing if I accomplish all that in a day you may ask. I just do. I sometimes feel that I didn’t make enough time for one person or the other. I feel I should’ve loved on so and so more. I should’ve sent that card to someone who is hurting. I should’ve called so and so and congratulated them. I failed. Or did I?

God sometimes has such a subtle way of reminding us our purpose. He gently tells us that it’s all going to be ok. He speaks to us through his word and into our hearts. I am reminded that home, yes my own home, is my ministry. That I succeeded greatly today by sharing his word with my children. That I can count it a success when the children learn to forgive each other for there shortcomings. That I can be proud that I “get up while it’s still night; she provides food for her family”(proverbs 31:15) That I “speak wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue”(proverbs31:26) I can count it a success that all my children were loved on and told they are loved a gazillion times! I can rest easy at the end of the day no matter how much dust is on the shelf or how many loads of laundry still need to be finished because today, I did what I was called to do. I LOVED!

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