I’ve been like Moses, wondering for a while now. I’ve been tempted. I’ve struggled and battled my flesh. I’ve failed. I have felt like this desert I’ve been wondering in is never ending. The drought, the hot sun, the loneliness. Then a soft whisper comes along and speaks so clearly. “Your Not Alone”. God is always faithful.
The last five months
I have struggled my family has struggled. We have left what we called our church home by a nudge from the Lord and been wondering ever since. This church and that church. It’s exhausting. If you’ve ever “church shopped” you know exactly what I’m talking about. The hellos, good to have you here. Then the talking about the church with your family. What you liked. What you didn’t like. Did you feel like it was worth a second visit. Was it comfortable. Was this your new home? I firmly believe that when God leads you to a church He wants you to stay at you’ll know it. I have felt it since I was a baby christian. Every time we’ve been called to a new church we’ve “known” after the first or second visit that this was the place. Every time except now. It’s been five long, lonely, fellowship starving, seeking to serve months and no “at home” feeling any place we’ve been. Exhausting. I haven’t given up yet though. I have been on my knees with my entire family seeking Gods direction for us. Gods calling for us. Gods leading for us. Just when I’ve cried out “Please don’t leave me here for 40 years” does the answer come flooding in.
See, God has a sense of humor. He created humor. He created our everything! Just when I felt I was in my lowest place HE shows up in a big way! So big that I just might be more confused than before! We had been attending a church for a few weeks but felt like the people weren’t that friendly, and we really felt like we stood out. Actually, it is more accurate to say WE DID STAND OUT. But, we stayed there for several weeks. Then, because we didn’t feel that God nudge to stay we visited another church. The people were great. The Pastor and other ministry leader were great. We loved the worship and the message was right on. We thought that maybe this one might be it. I was kind of excited to feel an end to the desert! Then, the church we left called and told us we might be blessing them more than they could bless us but they would love to have us back. Two days later, while walking the dog and praying for leading again from the Lord, a lovely lady going door to door stopped me and asked did I want a church invitation. Well yes! So I took the flyer and what do you know it’s to one of the churches we’ve been wanting to visit! WOW God! Three in one week. THREE? Now what’s a girl to do with that? PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! So that is exactly what I’ve been doing. And kindly asking God to stop laughing at me 🙂 NO, I’m being serious. I completely feel like God is answering my prayer and laughing all at the same time. Not in a condescending way. In a hehe that’s my girl kind of way. Guess what though. I’m not giving up yet. I know He has my plans in the palm of his hands. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13.
Those verses have been my hope! Those verses in Gods word have been my prayer. Those words have been prayed back to God. That is where I let go. In prayer, when it’s just me and Jesus, I let go and humbly say, ” I can’t do this on my own. Lord lead me.” And just like that soft whisper that speaks to my heart, He grabs my hand and says ” I always have and always will baby girl!” Me letting go and letting Him lead brings me peace no matter what I face. No matter how many churches I have to visit. No matter how long I have to walk in my desert. No matter what, He holds me in the palm of His hand and that, I can find rest in.